I really enjoyed our online novena last week. It was nice to know that I was being prayed for and to pray for others, not just my own intentions. It was also especially gratifying to spread devotion to St. Rita.
Things started to move on the job front, if only slightly. You have to understand that I’ve never been in this position. I resigned from my job and I am 100% positive this was the right decision. I know God is asking me to trust Him right now. I know He will lead me somewhere better. Tonight I had a meeting with the principal of a phenomenal school. We spoke openly and honestly and it certainly looks like there might be a job for me there. Next school year.
So that leaves me with next month…
It will be interesting for sure. I will probably have to take non-teaching work in the meantime which is not something I was looking for. So for the sake of humor I will now walk through a few possible scenarios.
Everyone’s favorite government agency is ALWAYS hiring. Lucky for me I have a MAJOR airport five miles from my house. The up side? I love airports. The down side? I hate putting my hands on other guys’ legs. True, I could have some fun with the X-ray machines imagining things that aren’t really there and then calling them in. Also, I understand that people in these kinds of jobs are generally not altogether there. With a pinch of ingenuity and a pulse I could be a real standout. Unfortunately I don’t look good in blue.
When I was in college I worked in a Nordstrom department store. My customer service skills are top notch. It also helped that I worked for the only retail outlet on the planet where they say the customer is always right and then actually mean it. I remember one time I took a return. It was a $1000 leather jacket that had not been purchased in a Nordstrom. We know this because we had never sold that jacket. Furthermore it was 20 years old, frayed, and had a dead rat in the breast pocket. Apparently Mr. Nordstrom believed it was better to have a satisfied customer in the store with cash in his hand than to upset the delicate flower. I remembered those words as the customer was quickly exiting the store with a thousands bucks in hand laughing at the security camera.
This could work. I like to eat fast food. By that logic, though, I should work in a liquor store. Let’s come back to this one…
You know I used to work as a writer and producer in this exciting medium. If I was any good I’d have been the breakout star of 2005. Still, there are several large media outlets in my neck of the woods. Unfortunately not only can I not get the Texas drawl down but I can’t seem to shake my Jersey accent. I’d be a bigger fish out of water than that large fish a friend of mine caught. Wow that was a really bad literary device.
I’d consider the FBI if I weren’t too old. I’d consider a police force but my back injuries would probably rule me out. I’d consider the fire department. Let’s think about this one. 1) Every fireman I know is ridiculously huge – like GI Joe proportions only taller. Yes Grady, even you. There isn’t enough protein in the world to make this frame that size. 2) Having lived through a multiple-fatal house fire as a child the psychological trauma of running into a burning building would make it impossible for me to do my job. 3) I can only imagine the first time an alarm rings and I have to shimmy down the pole. I would think of a TV segment I produced for a news program in New York. It was about a new workout called “the stripper workout”. Seriously. The mental image of our aging anchor dancing around a pole would make me incontinent with laughter and I would fall through the hole in the floor breaking multiple bones. Thus I would be rendered incapable of fighting fires that day.
So there you have it. Looks like I’ll have to get creative. I’m open to suggestions so let’s hear ’em. Or you could just continue to pray for me. Otherwise I’m going to get real familiar with Wendy Williams and Kelly Ripa. That’s a fate worse than death.