A House Is Not a Pants-suit

This morning saw the return of my favorite home repair character of all time: Marco Eslaley!  Remember him?  He came this morning to drop off a door that’s going to go on our new pantry.



This afternoon we took the kids to the Wild West Show in Fort Worth.  It was about what you might expect.  No, Buffalo Bill and Annie Oakley were not there.  That would be gross since their corpses have probably long since rotted.  But this show had all the same effect.  Except at the end…  As the show was coming to a close, a glittery bimbo came a-prancing out onto the arena floor riding a steed.  I mean she was riding that steed.  Dressed in a billowy, shimmery jumpsuit (thank you, 1970’s thesaurus) she carried a large American flag in her bosom.  She circled the floor several times, each time she did so, she would demonstrate some trick.  For instance, she circled around once by dropping practically off the horse and letting him drag her around the arena with just one of her feet still in the stirrup.  The final time, she road at full gallop while standing atop the horse’s back clinging to the now-waving flag with her teeth.  The announcer said “Now if that ain’t patriotic, I don’t know what is!”  I turned to my wife and said “How did such a low budget event manage to sign Charo?”  My sister-in-law hadn’t heard me clearly.  “Huh?” she motioned with her hand over her ear.  “Charo?  She was on The Love Boat.  Coochi-coochi!”  I then proceeded to exit the arena with the few dozen other onlookers singing “Dance… a little bit closer…  Ay Ay Ay!!!”  I would upload a video but I’d have to charge you first.

On our way home we had to take a detour through the mid-cities region of the DFW Metroplex.  We happened to pass an ordinary looking 1960’s style rambler.  My mother-in-law Wilma remarked quietly “I used to have a suit that looked like that house.”  About a block later her words reached my ears.  I pulled over to the curb and put the car in park.  I was laughing so hard.  “In what way?” I asked her through my giggling.  We couldn’t control ourselves.  I had to take a drive around the block.  Aunt Lisa was with us.  She too was laughing.  “Wilma, did you mean the house on the right or on the left?”  Does this really matter?  Turns out she meant that the stamped concrete on the facade reminded her of a giraffe pattern.  I’m so glad that woman is around.  I truly mean that.

Head 'em up...

Head ’em up…

That's one way to ride a horse.

That’s one way to ride a horse.

A pretty decent show.

A pretty decent show.

This is what Wilma's suit looked like, apparently.

This is what Wilma’s suit looked like, apparently.


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