Flying Mommy’s

Sadly, I had to bid my brother and his beautiful family farewell as it was time to head back to Texas.  First, the matter of the flight or the airport or whatever you want to call it.  All I can say is that it’s not my fault MSP decided to put the bar literally next to my gate.  That being said, when we did board, I felt as thought the airline was trying to herd cattle.  No, it’s not that we were any more crammed onto the metal bird than usual.  It’s just that they barely had all the passengers on board before they started shouting announcements that we were practically airborne!  We climbed to 10,000 feet and kept going.  So far, everything was fine.  The flight attendant lady came around and asked what I’d be drinking.  “Hmm…  I’ll take gin!”  She must have known we were in for rough weather because she tossed several bottles of Beefeaters London at me for which she did not charge.  Either that or no one else was drinking on this flight and she felt bad for me that I’d be drinking alone.  Either way, I do not care.  Moments later, as I was stirring my concoction, the plane went over some “speed bumps” in the sky, as I like to think of them.  Immediately the captain came over the PA and informed us that we all (flight attendants included) needed to be in our seats and buckled up NOW!  In fact he sounded so ominous that I was momentarily scared.  If it hadn’t been for the copious amount of alcohol in my system I would have panicked.  I began to ponder my mortality.  “Jesus,” I said, “I feel closer to you than I ever have.  That could be because I’m seven miles off the ground and drunk.  I love you, Jesus.”  Apparently I was not verbalizing this in my head, but aloud.  Not to worry, though.  We landed in due course and I sobered up before my wife arrived at the terminal.

And that brings me to the second part.  Today is Mother’s Day.  My wife always remarks that since she’s not my mother she doesn’t need any presents from me.  The reality is, she says, that it’s a made up holiday or some such nonsense.  Sweetheart, every holiday is made up.  Accept the fact that your loving husband wants to shower you with gifts to celebrate your awesomeness and move on.  And so I had to transfer my gift-giving endeavors to my children.  So all last week, Daddy “helped” the kids make some really cute and crafty things he had seen by logging onto Mommy’s Pinterest page.  I’ve given up going for the flashy or the obvious.  She usually finds an excuse to return jewelry (it doesn’t fit, it’s too gold…) and flowers apparently die thus making them an “awful waste of money”.  So I thought I’d meet her on her turf.  And so my students got the joy of watching my paint popsicle sticks with acrylic pink and blue during class last week as I attempted to make a fan-fold card for the kids to give their dear old mom.  I think she liked it.


2 responses to “Flying Mommy’s

  1. Happy Mother’s Day, Mrs. H! I know you wll keep that card forever!

  2. Elwood P. Dowd

    Well firstly, the happiest of mother’s days to my dearest Aunt Karla. The woman’s a trip and a half, which as you surely know, is one of my highest complements. Secondly Harvey, I can’t help but question you on all that gin and no whiskey, but hey it’s your plane ride. I also think I may have found a way around your flower dilemma. A lovely young lady once gave me a potted orchid and while I managed to kill it, I think that Karla might actually be able to make it survive, thus defeating the waste of money argument.

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