The Great Undoing

Well kids, it’s been quite a day.  Nothing spectacular happened.  Nothing out of the ordinary occurred.  It’s just a regular old Thursday in Lent.  You’ve both been doing so well at daily mass with us!  I’m so proud of you for not physically attacking one another during the Eucharistic Prayer!  Those are my kittens…  In fact, son, you were particularly cute when, trying to gather up the fifteen kneeler-cushions that were hanging from hooks under the back sides of the chairs in front of us, you accidentally snagged one of the hooks on the belt loop of your pants.  How could I not burst out laughing during the Gospel?  Your sister must be growing right now, though, because she fell asleep in my arms at 5:15 this evening and is still sleeping!  She’s such a delicate thing.  I didn’t even know she was asleep until she started snoring with all the resonance of a freight train during the homily.  I can’t blame her much.  It wasn’t a very good homily.  And now it’s just Daddy awake, late at night.  I really wish this was a Friday night.  But alas, it’s Thursday and I have work in the morning so I should probably make this quick.  Here’s the prompt they’ve given me tonight.

If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

It even looks angry...Courtesy: Wikimedia

It even looks angry…
Courtesy: Wikimedia

I suppose I can’t really go with “shrimp” since we’re not talking about living organisms.  How about zipper?!  Yes, I would un-invent the zipper.  The zipper, that nefarious strip of interlocking metal teeth…  Why would anyone invent such a heinous thing?  We catch all manner of skin in the zipper that I’m surprised no one’s thought of this yet.  And where do we find the bulk of these deathtraps?  On the front of our pants, of course.  That’s just cruel.  Who would put such a thing near so sensitive an area of the body?  But then I consider the alternative.  Ever try to undo the buttons on a pair of button-fly jeans after you’ve just consumed a gallon of water and you’ve really gotta’ go?  Not fun.  Maybe I should un-invent the button!  Yes, the button must go!  Down with buttons!  What purpose do they serve anyway?  Sure, they actually function well and all.  It was more a rhetorical question.  But think of all the fingerless people in the world, not to mention all the thumbless out there who are forced to sit by and watch with longing as the digitized among us fasten things together with reckless abandon.  Bastards!  How could they be so mean?!  Is there another alternative here?  I suppose we could ban elastic.  It snaps.  It hurts.  It leaves that weird bunched-up pattern in your skin.  But it does let you eat more than you should.  Ah!  I’m so torn about what to un-invent here!

I vote for the shrimp.


4 responses to “The Great Undoing

  1. Uninvent the low-flush toilet.

  2. I am shocked you did not want to un-event abortion!

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