Harvey on a Plane

OMG… I am on a plane. Apparently 33,000 feet above my beloved earth. Seriously, dude, man was not meant to be up here. What the hell were we thinking?

Anyway, I dealt with this lovely pleasantry earlier. I’m seated in row 26. I have a window seat. Unlike my last flight where I spent the entire time looking out the window at a damn engine mounted onto the rudder of the plane; this time I can see. Or at least I would be able to see if it weren’t night. The flight attendants came forth from their caves in the back of the plane. They hit rows 33-27. Then, seeing me with credit card in hand, waiting to order my beloved gin and tonic, the decided to jump to the front of this flying bucket of steel. Yes, my friends, I was the absolute last person to be served a drink on this flight. Don’t cry for me though. My stewardess made it a double for me.

The college-aged dude sitting next to me is totally reading what I’m writing now. To hell with him. LOL. I just finished watching a Modern Marvels on fast food. It was cool. Right now I’m listening to my music library on my iPad. Currently playing is Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes and a classic song – Don’t Leave Me This Way. This plane is is turbulent but I swear I’m about to bust out in song and start dancing the aisles.

Awwwwww… Baby! My heart is full of love and desire for you! So come on down and do what you got to do… You started this fire down in my soul

Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve had Beefeaters. You know, the stewardess even tried to warn me when I ordered. I said “Do you have gin?” She gave me a sly look and said: “It’s… Beefeaters.” Should’ve listened. And now the song is on “The Love I Lost”. Too sad. I’ll skip to something else. This plane is boring. These people suck. Who gets on a plane and isn’t prepared to par-tay? Seriously. Take an Ambien or something.

I tried doing a crossword earlier and realized quickly that my son, my pride and joy, had gone into the crossword puzzle app and decided that the letter “K” was his new favorite letter.



Lord Jesus help me… When will this plane land? Clanc, I hope you appreciate that I’m flying in for this talk. Brendan, hope you appreciate what I went through for your wedding especially considering that you didn’t invite my kids – your own first cousins, who are the cutest children in the universe. Don’t worry. They won’t remember this. Until I tell them about it at the right time.

Anyway, folks. I’m about to just stare vacantly out the window and listen to Olivia Newton John until life has no meaning anymore or she hits the high “f” in Xanadu, whichever comes first. I wonder if Fusco will comment on my choice of music…

Update: There’s a woman in colonial garb on the wing of the plane!!!

Furthermore, I’m now listening to the Bee Gee’s and the song This I Where I Came In. Now I’m sad for Barry Gibb. How terrible to have lost all three of your brothers like that. I have seven brothers but I don’t think I would be as sad as I would be if my brothers were Maurice, Robin, and Andy Gibb and they died on me.

Double update… The person behind me is kicking the back of my chair. I hate him. In protest I have switched songs to Boriqua Anthem and turned the volume up loud. I’m actual,y salsa dancing in my seat. I may even have allowed my headphones to come disconnected. And I’m just totally noticing that they will let absolutely anyone be a stewardess these days. What the hell?! Could you runs comb through your hair.

Triple update! We’re on approach to EWR and there’s a cloud cover so I can’t see my beloved father-land. The oil refineries of Elizabeth are not shining bright for me tonight. But I can feel it on my bones. We’re almost there!


3 responses to “Harvey on a Plane

  1. I am SO glad I’m not on that plane!
    I think
    you need

  2. You are crazy! Would Tanqueray and Tonic make it better? Or how about Blue Sapphire?

  3. Flight attendant, NOT stewardess!

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