Open Wide and Say Ahhh…

Strange contraption
photo: public domain, courtesy Wikimedia Commons

This afternoon I went to the dentist.  This was a scheduled appointment (actually rescheduled since the dentist cancelled on me last week).  I’ve been having some work done over the past few months that started with a couple of root canals and hopefully will conclude next week when the last of my cavities are filled.  Pretty much, it was the standard dental visit.  I arrived and signed in.  Then they took me back.  Next they stuck a long Q-tip into the back of my mouth, told me to close, and walked away.

A full five minutes later a dental assistant entered the room and removed the Q-tip.  It was at this point I noticed that the entire lower half of my face had absolutely no sensation.  I won’t bore you with the details of my fillings.  What can I say?  He drilled a little, he applied the filling.  When it was all said and done he walked away.  I did leave out the part about the conversation but it was all one-sided.  No, he walked away to handle another patient and I headed to the check-out counter, still not feeling my face.

My wife texted that she and the kids were at the McDonald’s around the corner and that I should come join them.  When I got there she had ordered me a Big Mac.  Well, I’m not hot on Big Mac’s; but that’s OK because 1) I wouldn’t have been able to eat it anyway and 2) my lovely carnivore daughter had already devoured it.  On the plus side, since this McDonald’s had just been renovated, they were hosting all sorts of giveaways tonight.  The kids each got a free Happy Meal every week for the next year!.  I still could not feel my face.

I was beginning to wonder exactly how much of that stuff he had injected into my gums.  Meanwhile I was starting to realize that I looked not unlike my dad after his stroke.  I also bore a striking resemblance to Greta van Susteren.  Anyway, I refilled my wife’s soda cup and headed home while she took the kids in her car.  Sat down in the car and took a sip.  I’m no fool.  I knew this would end up all over my shirt and tie.  Carefully I held my lips tight to the straw with my hand.  Success!  I had created the vacuum needed to use a straw!  The woman in the car next to me found this quite amusing.  What can you do?

It was no use.  I got home and my wife had dropped by the In & Out Burger to grab me a bite to eat.  It would have to wait.  In fact, it was another three hours before I could slowly start to feel the tingle in my skin telling me that my feeling was returning.  And when did this decide to hit me?  On the bike, at the gym…  Of course.  My new gym buddy, Jule, the older woman of color who routinely fights with me over who gets to use “the good bike”; she got quite the laugh when, peddling like a devil, I blurted out “My lips!”

And to think…  I get to do this all again next week!


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