Proctorologist

I have been resting up today…

Tomorrow I get to engage in one of my least favorite activities of all time…

Proctoring exams!!!

Hey, it comes with the job.  Ah, the joys of sitting at a desk in front of 20 or so teenage girls stressed and stretched beyond all reasonable expectations as they try to recall everything they have learned (or should have been paying attention to) in the past five months.  At a former school we were instructed to “be proactive”.  I always thought that meant making sure your windows had a good seal, checking your tire pressure, and performing a monthly scrotal exam.  Apparently, to my old principle, it meant pacing the aisles of the classroom and giving the evil eye to any student who happened to be staring off into space.  “I don’t want to know that you were grading your own exams or, God forbid, reading a magazine!” he would say.  Damn, a two hour window of time would have been just enough to finish off last week’s People, too.

Would the proctor please shut UP!?!?

I have spent the past few hours trying to find interesting apps to download onto my iPad so that I’ll have something to do.  At this school the students are trustworthy and very low maintenance.  In fact, the worst that I have ever encountered here happened once during mid-terms.  I cleared my throat and announced the time.  “Ahem, it’s currently 11:05.  This exam ends in fifteen minutes.”  Several students looked up.  The other students remained fixed on their test papers like a dog on a bone, smoke pouring from the graphite tips of their pencils.  Had I left it there things would have been fine.  I continued.  “In case you’re interested, Mrs. Smith the librarian is serving hot chocolate, gratis, outside the library between exams.”  Another young lady looked up quizzically.  “Oh, sorry.  Gratis means free.”  A few moments of silence.  I really don’t know why I didn’t just shut my mouth.  “Oh, and I just got a tweet on my phone that Oprah Winfrey is doing a show on…”  Just then a certain young lady from the back snapped her head up into the air and glared at me.  Apparently students don’t like to be bothered with important cultural information while finishing an AP chemistry exam.

Thank God for Words with Friends.

It was a good one, too...

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