My lovely wife needed some time to recharge. She’s been very busy over the past few months working on a project. So she went on a trip with some of her friends. Lucky for me my two best (read: only) friends decided to hang out with me.
She’s content to watch TV and sleep in my bed. Clearly she takes after me.
That’s right, I’m hangin with my kittens this weekend. It’s not like I don’t hang with them every weekend; it’s just a special Daddy-Kids time this weekend. The really fortunate thing for me is that there are no two people in this world who adore yours truly like they do. Have I mentioned how awesome it is to be a dad? It’s like having a built-in fan club! Plus, this means I get to do some fun things like let them stay up late (it’s a weekend anyway) and bust out the box of Cosmic Brownies!
Although I will say this. It was funny last night. Whenever my wife is out of town I prefer to have the kids sleep in my bed with me. They’re little. Besides, who wouldn’t want to sleep in a comfortable king sized bed with cable TV? Well, Baby Girl presented no issues and was out like a light. Sonny Boy, on the other hand… It seems that someone really likes his kid sized bunk bed because he’s been hanging a comforter off the side and pretending it’s his “fort”.
This wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t also super-excited about something we’re doing tonight. You see, about ten days ago he had to start an antibiotic for a slight ear infection. Typical for him, he didn’t want to take the medicine because it was “gross”. So Daddy, being the ingenious man he is, made a chart.
“Son, for every day you take your medicine, I’ll put a star on the chart,” I said.
“But Daddy,” he said, “Could it be something different like a lizard?”
“Son, Daddy doesn’t know how to – oh never mind. I’ll figure it out. Does it matter what I draw?”
“But Daddy,” he said, “I learned about lizards in school. Or maybe you could draw a crested falcon? They look like bald eagles which are the national bird. Did you know that?” Crap, apparently when I was conceiving him I was actually making a copy of myself. Good to know.
So he got stars in the morning (when Mommy filled in the chart). At night, when the man of the house took over he got a picture of the two of us, some kind of Mesozoic sea creature, and our Jack Russell Terrier.
“Yes, pal, I did know that.” Now my options were to either move on and get to my point or to counter him with more knowledge and thus prove that I am superior.
“So, son, did you know that Thomas Jefferson actually wanted the turkey to be the national bird and not the eagle?” Take that, little man.
My son looked up at me and sighed. “Of course, Daddy. I thought everyone knew that. Do you remember that time you made me watch 1776 with you?”
“Son, that was like two years ago.”
“But I remembered it.”
You sure did. OK, let’s move on. “So, as I was saying, if you finish all ten doses then – what is it now?”
“Do you mean I have to finish all ten over the ten days or how about if I took two on Sunday and then none on Monday because I don’t think I will want to take any medicine on Monday.”
Believe it or not I let him finish as he explained commutative math to me and how he was going to take ten doses over ten days by doubling up and skipping days; until 30 minutes later…
“…And that is how I would like to take my medicine, Daddy.”
I simply stared at him, exasperated.
“Look, kid, you gotta take the medicine the way the doctor told you to. Don’t ask why. It’s because ultimately he spent lots of money to go to med school and Daddy didn’t. Understand?”
Where a kid can be a kid. And a dad can be confused.
“Where was I? Yes, take the medicine, I draw a picture of something, and then I’ll take you to Chuck E. Cheese since the one part of my DNA you seem not to have gotten was good taste.”
I can’t honestly recall what happened next since I was driven to drink pretty soon afterward. I think I drew a picture of Jane Wyman from Falcon Crest, called it a bald eagle, and put him to bed without the medicine (thus requiring him to take two doses the next day).
Bottom line, we’re going to Chuck E. Cheese.